Super Sexy Shanghai Singer Sex You Up? Good time?
I've got a bit of a hangover this morning, but damn do I have a smile on my face. Reason number one: the sun is shining! This is the first time I've seen the sun since I arrived here 4 days ago. It makes Shanghai seem a little friendlier. Secondly, I had a brilliant night which more than compensates for the headache and furry mouth.
At about 10 last night, I was just about ready to sleep, after a long and exciting day walking through some interesting areas of Shanghai. I was struggling with my first journal entry, and my Famous Chinese Tsingtao beer, which tastes a bit like boiled dog piss. Luckily however, Bryan my bunkmate walked in and invited me up to the bar to have a quick beer with a couple of English blokes. The bar was nice, and Andrew and Daryl proved to be scintillating company. Andrew's a very likeable Dental Technician from Nottingham, and Daryl is damn tasty labourer type, with this unbelievable Birmingham accent that makes me grin stupidly. So we finished a round while Andrew regaled us with tales of his time in Dali, in Yunnan Province, where the police turn a blind eye to a flourishing drug culture, wild ganja grows in the streets, and everyone is so relaxed. 2000m above sea level, Andrew found himself in a pecualiar situation while partying with the locals. He was dancing with a man and a woman, and the man starts forcefully taking Andrew's hands and putting them all over the woman's body. Andrew gets the distinct impression she's a prostitute and the man is her pimp. So he asks the man directly if the girl's a hooker, to which he replies " This is my wife. I think you should leave now."
We moved around the corner to a pub that Andrew had previously been to and enjoyed. However, it being Monday night, the Fest Brewery was almost empty. Still we had a great chat, and I learned that Andrew was heading off to Mongolia and Russia, while Daryl was flying to Cairns and working his way down the East Coast. We shared a couple of litre glasses (I kid you not) of very tasty dark beer, which rinsed away that awful Tsingtao shit.
We tired of the Fest, eventually, and headed out into the street and went looking for another pub. It was about five degrees; I'm getting trained for Europe already. Along the way, we were accosted by a tall, slightly effeminate guy from Hong Kong called George. He said hello, and unfortunately thanks to previous experience I was immediately on my guard. There's quite a few people in Shanghai who are friendly purely to get something out of you. (That being said, I've met 10 times as many who are friendly and helpful because they want to be.) George invited us to a bar and it already sounded like that famous Shanghai scam where a nice person takes you to a bar/restaurant, orders expensive food/drink, and then leaves you with the bill. I mentioned this to Andrew and he says everything will be fine as long as we pay for what we want before we get it. He also said that the police are 100% on the side of foreigners in China, so if George tried anything nasty he would be punished severely by the law. So I relaxed a little and listened to George chatter away about a variety of topics, including what fruits corresponded to what naughty bits of the human anatomy. It seemed like he was trying to hit on Andrew and/or Daryl (I couldn't really blame him) but the boys just took it in their stride. I relaxed some more.
We walked for ages and we were all getting a little edgy. And then suddenly we arrived at a place with Massage written in big English letters out the front. Daryl, Bryan and I reeled at that, and almost turned to go, but then we realised the massage place was on the 6th floor, while George assured us the bar was on the 3rd floor. So we agreed to go up, and while Andrew seemed super-keen, the rest of us kept protesting that all we wanted was a beer. He reminded us that as long as we don't take anything we don't pay for, we'd be fine. In fact, he was convinced that we could actually use this situation to our advantage, and get treated like royalty without "putting out" so to speak. I was skeptical, but it occured to me that this was my First Big Adventure, so godammit, I was going to be adventurous.
We went up and it was immediately obvious this was a hooker bar. There were several scantily clad ladies lounging around and giggling as we entered the opulent glass-filled foyer. George ushered us into our private room, which, he kept repeating, was free, and I wondered why we needed a private room.
It turned out that this was a Karaoke bar, and it seemed George was hoping we'd get drunk and rowdy enough that we'd order a couple of ladies at premium rates. Little did he know that I would need quite a lot of persuading. Since we were now cluey to George's game, we were able to relax some more, and after fiddling for ages with the giant screen Karaoke machine, we managed to put on an English song. Despite Bryan claiming that he hated Karaoke, he dived in with gusto and sung a few before George asked to join in. He belted out some Mandarin classics, with original film clips that rivalled those awful Karaoke-specific film clips we all know and love. Especially entertaining was the way he ended the last line of every verse with a high-pitched yelp. It was obvious he was enjoying himself. I jumped in and did a couple of duets with Bryan and Daryl, finishing off with a rousing version of Love Shack, that perennial favourite, that I'm sure brought a tear to my comrades' eyes. Then George put on some Beijing Opera (yes, Beijing Opera Karaoke) and proceeded to wow us with his deft switching between the male and female parts.
I feel like Shanghai has finally welcomed me with open arms.
At about 10 last night, I was just about ready to sleep, after a long and exciting day walking through some interesting areas of Shanghai. I was struggling with my first journal entry, and my Famous Chinese Tsingtao beer, which tastes a bit like boiled dog piss. Luckily however, Bryan my bunkmate walked in and invited me up to the bar to have a quick beer with a couple of English blokes. The bar was nice, and Andrew and Daryl proved to be scintillating company. Andrew's a very likeable Dental Technician from Nottingham, and Daryl is damn tasty labourer type, with this unbelievable Birmingham accent that makes me grin stupidly. So we finished a round while Andrew regaled us with tales of his time in Dali, in Yunnan Province, where the police turn a blind eye to a flourishing drug culture, wild ganja grows in the streets, and everyone is so relaxed. 2000m above sea level, Andrew found himself in a pecualiar situation while partying with the locals. He was dancing with a man and a woman, and the man starts forcefully taking Andrew's hands and putting them all over the woman's body. Andrew gets the distinct impression she's a prostitute and the man is her pimp. So he asks the man directly if the girl's a hooker, to which he replies " This is my wife. I think you should leave now."
We moved around the corner to a pub that Andrew had previously been to and enjoyed. However, it being Monday night, the Fest Brewery was almost empty. Still we had a great chat, and I learned that Andrew was heading off to Mongolia and Russia, while Daryl was flying to Cairns and working his way down the East Coast. We shared a couple of litre glasses (I kid you not) of very tasty dark beer, which rinsed away that awful Tsingtao shit.
We tired of the Fest, eventually, and headed out into the street and went looking for another pub. It was about five degrees; I'm getting trained for Europe already. Along the way, we were accosted by a tall, slightly effeminate guy from Hong Kong called George. He said hello, and unfortunately thanks to previous experience I was immediately on my guard. There's quite a few people in Shanghai who are friendly purely to get something out of you. (That being said, I've met 10 times as many who are friendly and helpful because they want to be.) George invited us to a bar and it already sounded like that famous Shanghai scam where a nice person takes you to a bar/restaurant, orders expensive food/drink, and then leaves you with the bill. I mentioned this to Andrew and he says everything will be fine as long as we pay for what we want before we get it. He also said that the police are 100% on the side of foreigners in China, so if George tried anything nasty he would be punished severely by the law. So I relaxed a little and listened to George chatter away about a variety of topics, including what fruits corresponded to what naughty bits of the human anatomy. It seemed like he was trying to hit on Andrew and/or Daryl (I couldn't really blame him) but the boys just took it in their stride. I relaxed some more.
We walked for ages and we were all getting a little edgy. And then suddenly we arrived at a place with Massage written in big English letters out the front. Daryl, Bryan and I reeled at that, and almost turned to go, but then we realised the massage place was on the 6th floor, while George assured us the bar was on the 3rd floor. So we agreed to go up, and while Andrew seemed super-keen, the rest of us kept protesting that all we wanted was a beer. He reminded us that as long as we don't take anything we don't pay for, we'd be fine. In fact, he was convinced that we could actually use this situation to our advantage, and get treated like royalty without "putting out" so to speak. I was skeptical, but it occured to me that this was my First Big Adventure, so godammit, I was going to be adventurous.
We went up and it was immediately obvious this was a hooker bar. There were several scantily clad ladies lounging around and giggling as we entered the opulent glass-filled foyer. George ushered us into our private room, which, he kept repeating, was free, and I wondered why we needed a private room.
It turned out that this was a Karaoke bar, and it seemed George was hoping we'd get drunk and rowdy enough that we'd order a couple of ladies at premium rates. Little did he know that I would need quite a lot of persuading. Since we were now cluey to George's game, we were able to relax some more, and after fiddling for ages with the giant screen Karaoke machine, we managed to put on an English song. Despite Bryan claiming that he hated Karaoke, he dived in with gusto and sung a few before George asked to join in. He belted out some Mandarin classics, with original film clips that rivalled those awful Karaoke-specific film clips we all know and love. Especially entertaining was the way he ended the last line of every verse with a high-pitched yelp. It was obvious he was enjoying himself. I jumped in and did a couple of duets with Bryan and Daryl, finishing off with a rousing version of Love Shack, that perennial favourite, that I'm sure brought a tear to my comrades' eyes. Then George put on some Beijing Opera (yes, Beijing Opera Karaoke) and proceeded to wow us with his deft switching between the male and female parts.
I feel like Shanghai has finally welcomed me with open arms.
posted by Phil at
9:17 PM
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